October 7, 2004
It is 10:25pm. Kristine and I just watched
the movie Seabiscuit, as story about the “little horse
who could”. It was the first time since we arrived home
from our 6 month RV tour that we just sat on the couch, cuddled,
and watched a movie. Not a life changing moment, but a moment
of no worries. Yes, if I was to think about it for a moment,
I could come up with a hundred things that I probably should
be doing right now. Certainly, Jackson Kayak has more to do
than any human could. There is a never ending list of things
I could do at any moment. Today, I was literally at a loss.
I got up, my computer had crashed the day before and was not
fixed yet, I have an R+D list that could choke NASA, a noteworthy
administrative list, plenty of sales issues, but; I swear,
I couldn’t think of but a handful of worthwhile things
to do. A staff meeting was held at 1pm (because Rock Island
was releasing at 3) and I had a chance to address the troops;
that was a good thing.
Then, it was only 30 minutes until time
to paddle at 3:30. Dane was in charge of washing the Mini
and I helped him to that, and started to feel a new purpose
again. At 4pm we loaded boats in the back of my Landcruiser
(1988, cool truck, thanks David Knight). I was really feeling
a sense of purpose again. I got in the truck with Jeremy,
Andrew, and Dane and we started driving to the river, a 3
minute ride down my dirt road. Finally, after getting dressed,
and popping my skirt on, 20 feet above the water on my favorite
seal launch, I was renewed. I had been doing lots of tasks
since I returned from my trip, but haven’t really focused
on why I am alive in the first place. I had to realize, again,
that you can’t wait until you have your to do list finished,
to live. Tomorrow when I wake up I will have the same to do
list, but will not be trying to finish it so that I can relax
and enjoy myself. Instead, I will be relaxed and enjoying
myself while doing my list of things that decided to do in
the first place. There are several things that I will add
to my To do list that will assure that the endless road doesn’t
become a burden. First off, I will add some time for Kristine
and I to spend together, do something, besides our to do lists.
Tomorrow this will include a trip to Chattanooga, my second
favorite town in the USA (to Hood River, OR). Sure, I will
stop off to see Jim Fortune at Rock Creek- on of my all time
retail heroes, but he is second in line to a few precious
hours, accomplishing a part of life I don’t want to
live without.
So confusing at the onset. It seemed that
going kayaking today was the answer, it was, going away for
the afternoon and evening with my lovely wife tomorrow, is
the answer, it is. So how does Jackson Kayak or any other
work related goals fit into the equation? Why couldn’t
I find something to do today for work? How can somebody be
so swamped but be so idle? I need to spend more time with
Emily, Dane, and Kristine, but not in an environment that
distracts my attention from them. Today was a better day with
Emily, helping her with science. It was a great day with Dane,
paddling and cuddling on the couch. It was a great day with
Kristine, relaxing, her feeling like things are slowing down
a little.
Now, at the same time I am getting hungry
to do R+D. I have been on the road, only really competing
and using the product we made. I want to start making more
stuff for next year. My creekboat, river running creekboats,
etc, etc. are starting to burn a fire inside me. Look for
a different type of content on my website as my focus shifts
and my balance gets corrected into the fall. Is this a good
or bad thing for Jackson Kayak? I don’t really care,
putting the right content up at the right time is such a far
second to putting up what I feel like that I don’t give
it a second thought.
I was compelled to write something tonight.
It is a ramble, but my thoughts have never been so scattered
than they were today. I felt a lack of purpose that dumbfounded
me all day; a lazy sort of “I don’t know what
to do, so I’ll do whatever comes my way.” It was
irresponsible for sure, but unintentional.
Then I was about to launch off of the rock,
into the boiling water below me, and I got a sense of clarity,
once again. I am to do what I love, and love what I do. The
drop was quick and the water woke me even further. I surfed
the front wave- just looking around, went down the rapid to
the main hole, dropped in and surfed around, looking up at
my tree of strength. At the edge of the waterfall, coming
down the mountain, is a dead tree that has been there, hanging
over the water, in the middle of a raging waterfall for much
longer than I have been kayaking. There is something about
sitting in the hole, looking up at that tree, with more sensory
input than any brain could process, that makes me smile and
feel that I have it made. It made me feel that way the first
time I was there, and I remember it. I had just found out
that I was broke, and would have to go home to try to make
some money, a bad day, but that tree put some perspective
on things and it is still there today.
The funny thing is that my to do list hasn’t
changed really. There is more to do in a day than any person
could possibly do, however, if you can’t everything
done you feel you should do in a day- doesn’t that make
it even easier to create a good life for yourself? Think about
it- you have 200 things to do that you feel need done. You
can only do 25 things in a day, you can’t do it all.
Understanding that first is key to then…
Always get the things done in a day that
makes your life worth living, then you will happily do as
many of the other things that you have on your list as you
can. This, I think, is the simple formula to being happy.
Of course you can’t confuse doing things that insulate
you from the world, and make you numb, something that makes
your life worth living.
I have already had too much writing. I
felt like writing, and now- I have written, but Kristine is
in bed and I am ready for bed too. Jackson Kayak has a leader
ready to design some stuff for you next year with more energy
than the sun itself, thanks to a renewed feeling of doing
things for the right reason. I am off to recharge and fall
asleep with a smile on my face.
:) EJ
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Same seal launch, different day
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